ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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