His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
