yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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