Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
