when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
