wanna go halves on a baby?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
