I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
