my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
