Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
im six kinds of drunk right now
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
