he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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