I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize