Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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