i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize