shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
