I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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