I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
