Where is the hickey?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
