I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
