oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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