So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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