Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
