Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
