help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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