It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
