You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I've blown a few things in my day
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
FUCK WHALES
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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