I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
