yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
