im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize