Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
