the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
