Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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