woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize