i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
