Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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