I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
