I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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