we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
