Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
