Having a random hookup so left but love u
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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