it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
