He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
