i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
