The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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