im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
