Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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