Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
