I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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