I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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