i just wanna soil my oats bro
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
