So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
