I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
