Where did you get a picture of my penis
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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