and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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