I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
