i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
