I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
