White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You need Xanax blowdarts
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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