so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize