I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
