apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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