I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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