Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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