I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
