taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
