So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
