just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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