Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
