Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize