Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
