I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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