we have pet lesbian snakes
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Couch. On fire.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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