i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
