I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
