I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
