This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dick very happy bro
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
